This is what happens in summer. I don’t see movies at the drop of a hat like I do every other season. I finally got around to The Amazing Spider-Man yesterday, watched over two installments while waiting for, and after, The Dark Knight Rises. The short version is that they should have named this the Ho-Hum Super Predictable Everything You Ever Expected Spider-Man. Enjoyable on some levels, but I never have to see it again.The first part of the movie was a unique twist to the rehashed origin of Peter Parker, and I liked the atypical addition of Pete’s parents. On a related note, the casting of our hero (Andrew Garfield) is an infinite upgrade over Tobey Maguire, who is never not douchey. Maguire’s Spidey never looks like he would be quick-witted, funny or snarky. It’s pure nerd. Garfield has a look about him that makes me believe he could be a both geeky and mouthy, with the potential to bag hot chicks.

Ditto the casting of Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone in short skirts) and Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen). Sally Field as Aunt May is weird, but only because it reminds me how old I’m getting.

For a Spidey origin, I’m much more satisfied with the incorporation of Gwen as a Pete’s love interest over Mary Jane. The 90s cartoon and Same Raimi movies ignored this continuity and it never sat well with me.

After the introductions, though, this movie turns into everything you’d expect a Lizard story to become. Scientist goes mad experimenting on self and tries to mutate the city. Wow. Cool. (Sarcasm!)

The Lizard’s CGI was fine, but his face? Way to make him look like a goomba from the horrific Super Mario Bros movie. (In searching for an image to illustrate my point, I came across this.)

Then the ending… oh my god the ending. Captain Stacy dies but makes Peter/Spidey promise to stay away from Gwen if he’s gonna be a hero and all that jazz. In the following heartbreaking scene, Gwen knocks on Pete’s door to chew him out/cry for not being at her father’s funeral (they’re dating) when every minor character in her life story found the time to show. It looks like they’re breaking up and you really feel for these star-crossed lovers… and the moment is wasted when Gwen somehow deduces that her father made Pete promise to avoid her. SO. STUPID. SO. CHEAP. So even the sad ending has a happy-ish ending.

Disney should just fork over a buttload of money to Sony and reclaim their Marvel properties to make these movies themselves. Maybe guarantee Sony a lump sum or percentage for the next X amount of years for every Spider-movie made. Whatever it takes, but please, no more of this predictable drivel.