Badass New Jersey: Day #16

I’d be remiss to exclude the New Jersey Devils’ mascot, the cleverly named NJ Devil, to the Jersey Badass collection.NJ DevilFor the record, I know the man who portrays NJ Devil. He likes deep dish pizza.

MONGOS: Montreal Canadiens

Montreal CanadiensThe lockout may be over but my vitriol, mania and all-around surly disposition are here to stay. I’ve got to create 52 Foogos in 52 weeks (so far we’re on track, three for three with all new Mongos.) I hope to have a full set of NHL logos (primary or secondary) created from pennies, nickels and dimes by the time 2013 is over. This week’s installment depicts the championshipiest franchise in NHL history, the Montreal Canadiens. The Habs used to be my second favorite team when I was a kid, behind my dad’s Devils. Continue reading

MONGOS: Toronto Maple Leafs

Toronto Maple LeafsThe NHL is back. Who cares? I’m already a bitter old man. Here’s the second of 52 Foogos to be delivered this calendar year. It’s another Mongos (money + logos), this time, the NHL’s Toronto Maple Leafs.

They should really be called the Make Believes, because after 45 years of ineptitude, there’s not much to hold onto if you’re a TO fan. Continue reading

MONGOS: Carolina Hurricanes

Carolina HurricanesIt’s New Year’s Day night as I type this, and I’m at my office, three blocks from the NHL’s headquarters on 6th Avenue in New York City. Word on the street is those idiots are knee-deep in a marathon bargaining session to try and save the 2013 season from being wiped away. That’s an insult, because this late night cram session before the big test should have happened in September, not at the end of the marking period when the league already has an unsalvageable F on its report card. It’s a slap in the face to every fan and employee who wondered, “Why can’t they just lock themselves in a room and hammer it out?” Well, they could have, and they should have, well before anyone was thinking about breaking New Year’s resolutions.

/endrant

ESPN.com user and random guy (girl?) Tommy2Steel sums it up best in a comment from a recent article:

I’m glad they’re whittling down the details, but it sure would have been nice to see this level of urgency 4 months ago. Now that it’s about to affect their personal pocketbooks, they set aside the rhetoric to be able to get down to what truly matters–again, why wait 4 months to get to this point?

Anyway, you’re reading this on Thursday, or sometime after that, and maybe the NHL season has been spared (somewhat). Regardless of the outcome of the meetings running concurrently to this typing, I’ll be posting more Mongos (that’s money + logos) of NHL teams throughout the calendar year. Lord knows I made a terrible error in judgment on the Facebook page and publicly vowed to issue 52 new Foogos or Mongos before a New Year’s ball drop again.

So here’s #1 of the season, the Carolina Hurricanes, brought to you in pennies, nickels and dimes. Carolina is one of those teams people like to pick at when southern market viability (or lack thereof) kicks up. I hate the Canes, but they don’t deserve to be lumped in with the “HOCKEY IS A FAILURE IN THE SOUTH” argument. (The Canes have averaged a modest 16,381 fans per game since they hoisted the 2006 Stanley Cup, an exceptional number for a team that has qualified for the playoffs only once since winning it all.) However, guilty by association, the Hurricanes DO deserve to be lumped in the  “THE NHL IS A GREEDY CONGLOMERATE OF ASSHOLES WHO DON’T EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOCKEY” argument, which is why they are now Mongos.

Forbes‘ annual report values Carolina’s franchise at $162M (26 out of 30) with $85M in revenues during the 2011-12 campaign, and $9.4M in operating income over the same span (all of which is now in Jordan Staal’s pocket… Oh syke! There’s no hockey!).

Mongos: Minnesota Wild

Minnesota Wild

So the word on the street is that there is light at the end of the NHL Lockout tunnel. About time, but there’s no reason to get all giddy just yet. If nothing else, we should temper our excitement with anger that its already December with no hockey. And one of the faces of this work stoppage that should probably be vilified is Craig Leopold, the owner of the hapless Minnesota Wild. Without recounting a blow-by-blow list of details, he went out and signed the two biggest fish in the Free Agent Sea (Zach Parise and Ryan Suter) to some cuh cuh cuhrazy contracts in the summer, but is one of the owners looking to roll back salaries. He’s the girl who gets pregnant in order to keep her man around.

Continue reading

Foogos Around the Web

It feels good to see your work scattered across the web. Monday and Tuesday have been two of those when just that has happened. Here’s where Foogos has reared its deformed head across the vastness of cyberspace:

Buzzfeed posted 21 Beautifully Geeky Foods, in which the Ninja Turtles pizza drops in at #3, behind a funny Chewbacca bento box and some outstanding Legend of Zelda cookies. (I also especially love the Hello Kitty/Avengers mash-up cupcakes and the Star Wars AT-AT made of gingerbread.) Continue reading

Retweeted by the NHL

No secret that I’ve been in a big pro wrestling kick lately. While my neck heals from a series of random injuries, I’m debating whether I’m too old and broken – at 30, I’m no spring chicken – to pursue the urge to train/go pro. I mean, I’m already knee deep in running a marathon in every state (and probably every Canadian province), so its not like there’s a lack of athletics in my life. But Christ, wrestling is so so fun…

I wanted to go to CHIKARA, but after selling my car (Do you really need a car in New York City? Let me answer for you. No.) and my brother transferring to a college far away form the City of Brotherly Love, they’re out. So my only option right now is Gleason’s in Brooklyn, where Tommy Dreamer and Tazz got their start. Needless to say, I am not built like either of them. Continue reading

Fixing the NHL All-Star Game (Kinda sorta)

The NHL All-Star Game is one of three big events crowding my Sunday. Of the trio, the hockey game is the only one I don’t care if I miss, and I may, because I’ll be running/recuperating from the Miami Marathon. (Track me with Bib #1156.)

The players don’t care. Neither do I. (Alex Ovechkin, 2009)

I’m a HUGE hockey fan. I mean, I made a website devoted to recreating hockey logos out of food! (Pssst. It’s this one.) Yet I’m going to run 26.2 miles on the 29th instead of tuning in. NOW THAT’S MALAISE!

Why is that?

Well, plain and simple, the NHL All Star Game is less relevant and more fake than the WWE Royal Rumble (the other event I plan on tuning in to Sunday night).

The two best/most recognizable players in the league – Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin – won’t even be there, and regardless the reason (concussion and sand-in-the-crotch-itis, respectively), that means that at best, this is the NHL Most-Star Game.

Then there’s Jonathan Toews, only a cloud or two below Crosby’s stratosphere. He’s out. Same for rookie sensation, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Both worthy. Both injured.

From the AP, via the Washington Post:

…the All-Star game has turned into the Missing Stars game, extracting some of the fun out of the showcase weekend. Injuries are the main culprit for the All-Star withdrawals, though Ovechkin pulled out this week because the game fell during his league-issued three-game suspension.

It’s a meaningless game that the players don’t want to participate in, with even the hockey media lukewarm to its significance.

ESPN columnist Pierre LeBrun summed it up best in an interview with Aaron Murphy:

As an event, [the Winter Classic is] better than ever and this has really become the NHL’s signature event in the regular-season schedule. It’s making the all-star game obsolete. The Winter Classic is the event you must attend as media, sponsors, anyone who’s anyone in the game. The TV ratings for the game in the U.S. reflect it. People love this game. It’s the Super Bowl for the NHL.

Obsolete. That’s the key word. So how do you make All-Star weekend better?

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Fantasy Winter Classic

Now that the annual Winter Classic is in the bag, we can all begin the speculation for next year’s event. The likely pick is Detroit. Here are some future Classics I’d like to see, with the caveat that the teams involved would actually be at or near the top of the standings with some exciting talent: Continue reading