I’m at work on Tuesday, and out of nowhere, the most unbearable, incessant, stabbing pain I’ve ever had concentrates itself into my toe. The next 8 hours of my life are consumed by the pros and cons of amputation by Exacto knife.
Around 1 AM (I work at an ad agency at night), an account girl found me examining my toe, which had no laceration, bruising, swelling, redness or any otherwise odd look to it. She suggested I Google my phantom ailment, a thought that never even crossed my mind. Why would there be information on random toe pain?
Well, there is. And if you’re to believe the Internet, and in this case I do, well, I have gout. My diet is dominated by meat and fish (mostly fish) protein to bulk up for pro wrestling and to have some muscle for my marathoning hobby. Apparently, it creates too much uric acid, which crystalizes. Kinda like a kidney stone. That goes into your big toe. If it wasn’t so painful, if would be the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard. (And in a way, this whole bizarre but true post now connects to the food aspect of Foogos. Be careful with your meat, kids.)
Well, anyway, I drew a sketch of my toe as a person, with the intention of updating the account girl on my status. (I feel better today after a run in which I probably broke my pain receptors.) It was only natural to name this weird character Tomas (pronounced toe-moss), which is a decidedly Swedish name, so he needed a surname to match. Goutersven sounded good. He’s naked, save for a can I put in one hand, which I decided is a Red Bull. And so was born Tomas Goutersven, Swedish über-model, Red Büll enthüsiast and all-around güd guy.I 
thought it was funny and made some more sketches.
I will probably make very many more of these. I’m sorry.